The Mind Kind Guide to Therapy
Finding a therapist can be a confusing business – especially as we tend to be looking for help when we are struggling, going through a difficult time or generally feeling vulnerable – when it is hard to make sense of anything.
I have therefore put together some information to help you make an informed choice. This guide looks at what therapy is, how to choose a therapist and what to expect from a session. I hope you find it helpful.
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I need help, but I don’t know what
The fact that you are asking for help and looking for it is such a brave start – but I understand how confusing it can be.
With psychological or emotional difficulties, it is not always easy to explain what’s wrong or what help you need. How we are feeling, or the things we are thinking, especially when we are struggling, can be very hard to describe. Aside from this, there can also be many different ways to approach the same issue - different psychological models of understanding and care, different strategies and techniques to apply – there is no one way to treat psychological distress – as every aspect of life (from our childhoods, to our relationships, our ethnicity, culture, background, family life) can impact on our internal lives and it is this which plays such a role in what will work for an individual.
So, it’s complicated right? This is where clinical psychologists can come in.
Clinical Psychologists are trained to understand someone’s difficulties by talking to them. We ask carefully considered questions to uncover bits of this complex puzzle that help us lead to what is going on for an individual and how they can be helped. And because clinical psychologists have been trained in many different approaches to psychological understanding and care, they can use that knowledge to tailor support and treatment to the individual’s needs.
So why do people go to therapy?
For lots of different reasons, but whatever the reason, people come to therapy because they are experiencing some sort of emotional pain, psychological distress, are feeling flat or are going through a particularly difficult time in their lives and they need some extra support. So, people might come if they suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, feeling unmotivated, have suffered a trauma or loss, are experiencing a change in their life that is difficult to come to terms with, relationship difficulties, workplace issues, weight issues, adapting to long term health conditions – the list goes on and on.
For some people, therapy might provide them with a few sessions to help them gain a different perspective on a current situation they are facing, or to top up their coping skills. For others it might be a long-term process which brings up many aspects of their life and therapy provides them with a space to reflect, understand and process this.
People may also look to therapy because they feel unfulfilled, lost even, in terms of who they are and where they want to be in life. Talking therapy can provide a space that is dedicated to exploring this further.
Sometimes people come to therapy without knowing exactly what help they need or want. That’s okay too. When we are thinking about thoughts and feelings, it isn’t straightforward and sometimes we need some time and space to pinpoint exactly what we need help with.
Therapy should provide you with the awareness, knowledge, skills and strategies that you need to move through your difficulties and come out the other side feeling more prepared, better able to cope and with more confidence. It doesn’t get rid of difficult emotions – that is a part of being human, but it can help us to see emotions from a different perspective and develop new ways of coping.
In its best form therapy can provide someone with the tools to be the best version of themselves, whatever that means for them, as an individual.
Am I ‘mentally ill’ if I come to therapy?
You don’t need to be ‘mentally ill’ to have therapy – but even if you have been diagnosed with a mental illness, just like with physical illnesses, it would be entirely justified to seek treatment for it. Mental health requires a slightly different way of working to physical health and talking therapies is one way to approach that.
There is still a lot of stigma around mental health and therapy – attending therapy can be seen as a weakness but Mind Kind doesn’t approach it that way. Here we believe that just like we exercise to keep our body fit and healthy, and perhaps see the doctor or dentist for check-ups, therapy provides a space to look after our mental health. We are social beings who are built to talk and communicate about ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, but in the world we live in, that is not always easy to do. There are so many pressures to be a certain way, to act a certain way or look a certain way that talking openly and candidly, especially about things that might be difficult or make us feel vulnerable, is hard. Therapy gives a space to do that – and therefore it also gives us the opportunity to make changes to improve our mental lives for the better.
But I have friends that I can talk to – isn’t that enough?
If you have friends and family that you can open up to, that is brilliant – and making sure you talk to the people around you about how you are feeling is really important, it helps us feel connected which is incredibly important for our wellbeing. But therapy can give you something else. Quite naturally, friends have an invested interest, they have opinions on what is best for you – they have a very specific perspective. Now that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but what therapy provides is a non-judgemental space, with someone who is not involved in your life, who has been trained to consider a person’s inner life from the perspective of how it works, how it develops and evolves. This can provide more insight, more knowledge to help you move through difficult times. Sometimes, however much you love and respect someone, it is easier telling some things to a ‘stranger’.
What does therapy involve? What happens in a session?
Therapy involves attending sessions (whether that is in person or online) with the therapist on a regular basis to discuss the reasons you have come to therapy. They usually last around 50 minutes. Within Mind Kind, the initial session will involve getting to know one another – so you get the chance to meet the therapist and get a sense of whether this is someone you might be able to work with – and so the therapist can start to get an idea of what help you might need and how they might best approach your care and support.
Just like a medical doctor (who might get to know your personal circumstances to decide which treatment would be best for you) a similar thing happens in therapy. As a psychologist gets an insight into your life and the difficulties you want help with, they will be considering the best approach to working with you, the best models of care to support you – in short, the way of working that is going to be most effective to you. As you might guess, this takes a bit of talking and a lot of questions!
Do I just talk then?
Well, yes, there can be a lot of talking involved – to let the therapist know what you are experiencing and going through, so that they can learn and consider how they might be best placed to help you – but it is not a passive thing. It can be hard, it can bring up difficult emotions or difficult thoughts – but (and it’s a big but) the job of a therapist is to make it as easy for you as possible to do that, for it to feel as safe as possible for you to open up so although it might be hard, it feels safe, secure and useful.
Also, if the aim of therapy for an individual is to make changes to their life in the long term, it can mean tasks or activities need to be completed outside of the session. Now I realise this sounds a bit like homework, but I hope it doesn’t come across that way! Instead, it is about learning and trying new things out. Some might fit beautifully and work really well, others may not work within the context of your life – and that’s okay, but a commitment to being open minded and trying new things is really key.
How many sessions will I need?
This is a hard question! It is dependent on so many factors – why someone has come to therapy, what other factors might be involved and connected, what other things might come up as therapy progresses and so on. However, it is always your choice on whether to have another appointment. A therapist might be able to give you a rough guide on what they would recommend, but it is your choice.
It is usually recommended that therapy sessions happen regularly, ideally weekly – as this keeps the sessions fresh in a person’s mind, and if new habits or 'ways of being' are trying to be developed, having a regular session is really important to keep momentum going.
But it is also very dependent on a person’s circumstances and therefore you would have the final say with this. It has got to fit in with your life and feel realistic. Always talk to your therapist if you have any concerns on being able to attend regularly, as they may have things in place to help or reassure you.
There are psychologists, counsellors, therapists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, – who should I be seeing?
Oh yes, it can be very confusing, can’t it? I am not going to list here all the different types of therapists as that would need a whole new website – but I will explain what a clinical psychologist is and how seeing a psychologist, rather than another professional therapist, could be an advantage.
A Clinical Psychologist is someone who has completed a clinical doctorate in the NHS within a range of psychological services. This involves carrying out both clinical work, study and academic research to a high level over a three-year period of training. Before this training an individual will have completed a degree in Psychology and has probably had a significant period of time working in psychological services or within mental health settings. Clinical Psychologists are not medical doctors (we cannot prescribe medications), but our training has given us a ‘Dr’ title (just like if someone has done a PhD) to acknowledge our level of training and expertise in the psychological field. The letters after our name of DClinPsy signify that we have been awarded a clinical psychology doctorate.
Psychologists have been trained in the scientific investigation of the mind and how it influences our behaviour – so we look at areas such as communication, thoughts, feelings, actions and so on. Clinical psychologists are trained to work with those with emotional, behavioural and/or psychological distress. Now we all get these sorts of difficulties - but when it is starting to affect our everyday life and our wellbeing, that is where a clinical psychologist can use their skills to help people understand what they are going through and how to help themselves.
Clinical psychologists training is incredibly intensive and thorough – allowing us to gain experience with many different populations (adults, older adults, those with a learning disabilities, children and families) and many different difficulties (behavioural problems, anxiety, panic, stress, depression, dementia, adjusting to changes in life, coping with health problems, weight management, neurological and cognitive difficulties and so on). We have also been trained in different ways of working. We work in ways that have been scientifically proven to make a difference, but there is no one answer to a person’s difficulties as we are all individuals – so we have been trained in many evidence-based practices – which puts us in the unique position of being able to work with someone and adapt our approach to their needs.
In short Clinical Psychologists have many skills in working with a wide range of people and a wide range of problems, using a framework of evidence-based practices – allowing us to provide tailor made support to an individual based on their specific needs.
But whoever you choose, my advice would be to look at their qualifications, whether they are registered with regulatory bodies and ultimately whether you get a good vibe from them. You are potentially going to be discussing some really difficult things with this person, so getting a good sense from them is really important. A good therapist will be challenging you and asking you potentially difficult questions, but if they are a good fit for you, then you won’t mind them asking, or you will feel able to tell them when you feel things are getting too difficult.
How much does it cost?
Therapy varies a great deal in price – this has to do with the therapist’s expertise, qualifications, experience and so on. But it can be expensive. Mind Kind appointments are £95 a session which reflects my qualifications and my experience – but I realise this is a lot of money. What I would say is this. Think about other services that we pay for our personal care – such as going to the hairdresser. Consider how much a trip to the hairdresser would cost. Or perhaps consider how much we might be paying for our TV services. So, when we are thinking about our wellbeing, our mental health – why shouldn’t we be paying a rate that proves the value and importance in this work?
Is everything I say in the session confidential?
In essence, yes, but there are some important exceptions. Psychologists abide by a code of conduct which includes confidentiality. The only time where this confidentiality would be broken is if anything came up in the session which suggested harm to yourself or to someone else, and then the therapist has a duty of care to put things in place to make sure everyone involved is as safe as possible. However, if this were to happen, you would be told exactly what was going to happen and who would be contacted and why.
Psychologists also have regular clinical supervision, to ensure that their work maintains the highest standards of our profession. This involves the therapist discussing their cases with another experienced therapist, but this would be done in anonymity, so the individual client could not be identified.
Before you start any sessions, the boundaries of confidentiality will be explained to you.
Is there anything else I need to know?
I think the important thing to remember is, if you are not sure of something, ask your therapist! If it is a question about the sessions themselves, the fees, the timings or frequency of sessions, or even if you just don't know what is expected of you - just ask. As a psychologist I encourage people to ask questions so that an individual coming to therapy feels as comfortable and reassured as possible, With that in mind, if you have any more questions, please do contact me, I would be happy to help.